“When you go through the motions of your day and your heart isn’t into it, that’s when you know you’re ready to shift.“
I remember walking along the Charles River with my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time and talking about where we wanted to be in 10 yrs. He couldn’t understand why I kept insisting that I wasn’t after a title. I had no plans for corporate growth and no ambitions to become a bigwig. I told him my only goal was to be happy in whatever I was doing.
The morning of September 11th, I sat on at my computer trying to pull up client media reports when the Internet went down. A few minutes later someone in the next cube yelled out that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. The company gathered in the conference room that overlooked the Prudential and we were told to get out of the building as quickly as we could because there was speculation that Boston would be attacked next. I walked home from Boston to Somerville that day shaking, terrified out of my mind. I saw the towers fall from TV inside a shop I was passing. That night, I sat outside and thought about all the people who went to work thinking it was a normal day. Maybe they hated their job. Maybe they had wanted more too, but never got the chance to make a change. What’s the point of doing something that depletes you everyday and then have something like this happen? I vowed to find meaning.
Thank goodness for DVRs or I would never have become such an Oprah fan. I watched the show pretty faithfully in the evening when I needed some quiet time after work. It always struck me how many women spoke of how lost they felt in middle age. Maybe they poured their entire life into their husband or their kids…whatever it was, when their life shifted, they were left with nothing. They didn’t even know who they were anymore. It terrified me.
I sat in a cube in the middle of the marketing dept. Nobody talked to me. I was just the temp and I’d be gone in a few months anyway. There wasn’t much for me to do and the things I was supposed to do, I could get done very quickly. I remember feeling like my brain was turning to mush and leaking out my ears. I craved meaning so much that I remember telling my mom that it felt like my soul was dying a small death everyday.
I was about halfway through my 1st pregnancy and constantly thinking about what would be next for me. I knew that having my baby would change everything. I was desperate to be a mom but I also very clearly remember knowing that I couldn’t just go back to a job that left me drained and unfulfilled. I also couldn’t go back to a less stressful one that my heart wasn’t into. I needed something more. I knew that, for sure. I just had no idea what it would be.
My sister and I got tickets to Oprah Magazine’s Live Your Best Life tour in NYC. We piled in the car and brought my parents so I didn’t have to leave my baby behind. As soon as we stepped foot in the building, I felt awed and inspired. I also felt tingly and every piece of my body became acutely aware and excited as I listened to all the speakers and the message of the weekend. I remember saying to my sister – ‘it’s something like this. I know I’m supposed to do something like this.‘ Don’t get me wrong, I had no illusions about becoming the next Oprah but it was the message from the weekend that brought an unshakable knowledge that I was close.
It was a really bad day. One that left me crying and with a pit in my stomach feeling hopeless and lost. I hopped on my email for a distraction and opened up a newsletter from a friend. There was a small advertisement for the school she went to. Before I even finished reading about the school on their website, I knew I would enroll and this was the step I’d need to take to finally find my path.
It was about a year ago, I got serious about my business. This wasn’t going to be a hobby. I was going to make a commitment to myself and my family to make it work. This year for me has been a quite the journey. I’ve met some amazing people and coached some incredible clients I ran a program that blew me away with over 150 moms participating. I also led a group of awesome women through my Designing A Beautiful Life program this Spring. I hired some coaches of my own and throughout it all, they have been gently pushing me to tell my story, to be as authentic as I can to create a business that is a reflection of who I am. That has been the biggest lesson of the year for me and it’s reaffirmed my whole journey. I sometimes can’t believe I get to do this. It’s the dream I always had in my heart, but couldn’t see the details of.
And now, this. My story is how this program came to be. It’s my greatest belief that everyone has their own path. For me, my fight for a life that allowed me my greatest joys became a business. For you, it will look different. I believe with all my heart that to live fully and to be truly happy, you must follow your heart and your intuition. You must find your own path. You must be as true to yourself as you can. When you do, you will feel light and alive. You’ll feel naturally motivated and naturally healthier. You’ll feel happy and purposeful. It will change your life.